Dancing Jesus
A little play written in April 2009 and performed a couple times in the Valley - enjoy!
Deborah
(Calling at the door) Coo-oo-oo-oo.
Carl
Hello?
Deborah
Anybody here?
Carl
Just a minute. (He gets up; opens the door)
Deborah
Good afternoon, sir. I’m with the Shepherd’s Adventists. We’ve just established a new church in Jackson City, and we’re going door to door. Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your lord and savior?
Carl
In fact, I have, but I doubt you’d recognize him.
Deborah
I beg your pardon?
Carl
What I mean is, I bet you’d be surprised to see him here. He’s in my living room. Would you like to come in?
Deborah
(Fingering the top button of her blouse) Why – I don’t know … I’m hardly dressed …
Carl
That’s all right. At my house, neither is he.
(Deborah comes in. Carl closes the door.)
Carl
Just set your tracts there, by the umbrellas. You don’t want to be encumbered. He’s unpredictable.
Deborah
(Setting down her literature) I see.
(They enter the living room. A scruffy-looking dude in sandals and a loose shirt is rocking back and forth in a chair by the fireplace. He is holding a half-empty glass of wine.)
Jesus
Deborah. Glad to see you.
Deborah
Jesus?
Jesus
Oh, sorry. I’d appreciate it if we could keep this (raising his glass) between us. Reverend Chapters doesn’t need to know I drink.
Carl
Why not? You do in the Bible, all the time.
Jesus
I know, but the Reverend thinks that has to do with preserving grape juice. Here, I’m in a house with a perfectly functioning fridge. It would just confuse him.
Carl
(To Deborah) Would you like one?
Deborah
No, thank you. I’m not supposed to.
Carl
Why not?
Deborah
Reverend Chapters says that it’s a sin of the flesh.
Carl
But here’s the man himself, and he’s doing it.
Jesus
Let it go, Carl. Please get her some water. (Carl exits to get water.) Please sit down Deborah. What brings you here?
Deborah
I was canvassing the neighborhood on your behalf, Sir. I had no idea I’d find you here.
Jesus
Would you have come if you thought you would?
Carl
(Entering) Here’s your water, Deborah. Cheers.
Deborah
Excuse me, sir, but would you mind trans-substantiating it?
Jesus
Wine or blood?
Deborah
Wine, please.
Carl
Wouldn’t want to get too kinky too quick.
Jesus
Carl, please. It’s hard enough as it is. Of course, honey — bring me your glass. (Deborah approaches Jesus and presents her glass. Jesus prays a moment and hands it back to her. It is red.)
Deborah
Thank you, sir.
Carl
Go ahead. Drink up. It’s consecrated. (Deborah takes a long drink.)
Deborah
This is delicious. Musky, a little bitter. I wonder why Reverend Chapters doesn’t like it.
Carl
Reverend Chapters keeps our friend here locked up in a box in the vestry. If he ever let him out, the Reverend would lose his moorings. One thing the Reverend loves is to stay moored at all times.
Deborah
We have a woman in our church who has ignored Reverend Chapters’ warning. I’ve heard that she takes wine regularly, especially on Fridays after work, and sometimes on Saturdays. Last week during the Reverend’s sermon, she rose right up out of her pew and began to waltz around the sanctuary with an invisible partner, muttering and giggling like a schoolgirl. She’s nearly sixty, if she’s a day.
Carl
What did your Reverend do?
Deborah
He was very kind. He came down from the pulpit and slid right into the invisible man’s place. He waltzed Mrs. Goodwin right out into the entry way and turned her over to one of the ushers. When he got back, he spoke about compassion to the wicked and of the evils of alcohol. It was a good thing too, one of God’s miracles, because it prepared us all to be compassionate during this week’s ministry in the neighborhoods.
Jesus
As you are with me. Would you like to dance, Deborah?
Deborah
I beg your pardon, sir?
Jesus
You’ve had a full glass of consecrated wine; perhaps you’d like a bit of my bread to go with it.
Carl
Go ahead, Deborah. I don’t mind. In fact, let me turn on some music. (He puts on a slow haunting ballad, “Wrecking Ball” perhaps.)
Deborah
(Stumbling a bit as she gets to her feet) Reverend Chapters frowns on dancing.
Carl
Yet, he danced, didn’t he, with Mrs. Goodwin?
Deborah
That’s true. He did. But she was tipsy, and he’s a holy man.
Carl
I rest my case.
Deborah
I suppose one dance won’t hurt. (She goes to Jesus. The two dance close, slowly. For a while, there is only music.)
Jesus
You have a lovely way about you, Deborah. Your following is fearless and deep.
Deborah
I feel as though I know exactly what you will do, before you do it.
Jesus
That’s good, sweetheart. I feel the same way. (Deborah is stumbling visibly. She leans heavily into Jesus.)
Jesus
When the harlot had wiped the blood from her forehead and watched the last of the stoning mob leave the square, she looked up into my eyes with such shame and wonder that it was all I could do to keep from kissing her.
Deborah
You, master? You felt a desire to kiss?
Jesus
I did, child. I’m not a piece of wood.
Deborah
Would you like to kiss me? I’m sure, since it’s you, it would be OK.
Carl
My god, JC. You’ve put blood in the poor girl’s veins.
Jesus
I will kiss you, Deborah. But on one condition. Once I’ve kissed you, you must leave, and make no objection. Will you promise?
Deborah
I promise, sir. (Jesus kisses her. Carl turns off the CD player.)
Carl
All right, Deborah. Thanks for stopping by. Where is this new church of yours, by the way? (Deborah is silent. She stands stock still in the same position she was in for the kiss, arms as if draped over the shoulder of an imaginary dancer.) Deborah, your church? Where is it? (Deborah begins to dance slowly. She mumbles and laughs, as if in a quiet ecstasy.) All right, sweetheart. Out you go. (She continues dancing.) Uh oh. Look. Glad you stopped by. Let’s get you out of here. (He slips himself into her grasp and dances her toward the front doorway. When he gets there, he opens the door, dances her across the threshold, and leaves her dancing on his stoop. He picks up the literature by the umbrella, takes one tract for himself, puts the rest on the doorstep, and shuts the door.)
END